Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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