Can i not drive my cunt home
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize