It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
