I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize