yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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