It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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