her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
