3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
