he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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