thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
