A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize