I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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