Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
