it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out