WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.