dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.