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So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Everything about him screamed your future.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
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