He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.