no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!