i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
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So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.