The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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