I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
