I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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