The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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