dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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