somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is Oprah even human
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
