I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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