no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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