So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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