brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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