just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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