So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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