I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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