Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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