I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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