I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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