and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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