I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
