dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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