I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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