he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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