I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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