whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
