ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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