I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
