All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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