If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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