Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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