ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When are your genitals available?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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