shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
