I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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