barbara walters just said penis...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize