I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
