She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize