i think my mom watched the whole time
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
